1.
If you have a contact, tap on it occasionally with your pen
while talking to others.
2.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking
all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
3.
Insist
on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions
"to keep them tuned up."
4.
Reply to everything someone says with
"that's what you think."
5.
Make beeping noises when a large person
backs up.
6.
Do not add any inflection to the end of
your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be
saying more any moment.
7.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all
the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that
way."
8.
Change channels
five minutes before the end of every show.
9.
Decline to
be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash
register.
10.
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute
whole streets.
11.
Repeat everything someone says as a question.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
12.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you
hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
13.
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
14.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
15.
Ask people what gender they are and then laugh when they
answer.
16.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie
parts back in the box.
17.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
18.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
19.
Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great
glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand
that people pronounce each "a."
20.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
21.
Wear a lot of cologne.
22.
Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster
speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
23.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary
friend."
24.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
25.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble
their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological
profiles."
26.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front
lawn.
27.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
28.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
29.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance
with prophesy."
30.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands
over your ears.
31.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a
"croaking" noise.
32.
Honk and wave to strangers.
33.
Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
34.
Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in
public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
35.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
36.
Pay for your dinner with coins.
37.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
38.
Leave your turn signal on for a few km’s.
39.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
40.
"Forget" the
punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real
hoot."
41.
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the
curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
42.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if
people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
43.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic
picture."
44.
Never make eye contact.
45.
Never break eye contact.
46.
Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
47.
Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.
48.
As peole talk, smell their shoulders.
49.
When in a conversation, look out the window, then say
"Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
50.
Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
51.
Place your shoes on the table.
52.
When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to
their right.
53.
Switch your neighbour's lawn furniture with someone else's.
54.
Call into work and tell them you have something better to do
today.
55.
Sample every flavour of ice cream and tell the clerk what you
don't like about each one.
56.
Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use someones sleeve to
wipe it off.
57.
Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is
still President.
58.
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
59.
Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have
just told and extremely funny joke.
60.
Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that
evening.
61.
Phone random numbers and tell them you hid the body.
62.
Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without
saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
63.
Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat
it.
64.
Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in
restaurants.
65.
Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the
neighbours ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to
complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
66.
Drive on the wrong side of the road.
67.
Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house
who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's
Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a
natural."
68.
Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a
lot.
69.
Take photos of people walking down the street and then run
away.
70.
Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their
car is started.
71.
Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know
you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the
Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
72.
When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
73.
Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them
intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing.
Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds… You're
weird!" Leave the restaurant.
74.
When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
75.
Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't
looking.
76.
Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?"
reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
77.
When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and
claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"
78.
On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together
and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Place each one a mile apart on an
unlit highway.
79.
After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor
cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough
chocolate sprinkles.
80.
When at a party with an infant present, ask the parent for a
diaper. Prepare the diaper with Nutella, peanut butter, etc. Insert the diaper
into the garbage can. Later, reach into the garbage, pull out the diaper,
announce, "Hey, look what I found," and chow down!
81.
At school, stick "presents" in people's backpacks
or purses, such as mud, rocks, sticks, and leaves.
82.
Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
83.
Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat
pants.
84.
Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many
people look.
85.
At random times in a conversation, say "have a good day,
thank you.”
86.
Forward stupid chain letters to as many people as you can.
87.
Cough
or sneeze and don’t cover your mouth.
88.
Have
a candle lit dinner with a woman from Zimbabwe.
89.
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
90.
Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick
it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
91.
Swat at flies that don't exist.
92.
Tell people that you can see their aura.
93.
Call out "Group Hug!" in an elevator, then enforce
it.
94.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
"Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
95.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while
peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
96.
Stare at another passenger in an elevator for a while, then
announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
97.
Sell girl scout cookies.
98.
Greet everyone coming on an elevator as if they were your
best friend. Use the same name for all of them.
100.
When
the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you,
point to someone in the next row and say "He knows."
101.
Go
into a changing room and after a few minutes shout “Hey, there’s no toilet
paper in here!”
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