Fictitious Friday; Green

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Le Heart and Mind- Marc Norris

Wacky Wednesdays: Mental Health Hotline

Automated Answering Machine at a Mental Institute:

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

• If you are obsessive-compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly.
• If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you.
• If you have multiple personalities: Press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
• If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
• If you are delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
• If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
• If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't matter what number you press - no-one will answer.
• If you are dyslexic: Press 969696969696969696.
• If you have a nervous disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
• If you have amnesia: Press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
• If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.
• If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.
• If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short term memory loss: Press 9.
• If you have low self esteem: Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

 

Tineless Tuesdays: Clay Balls

A man was exploring caves by the seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man so he took the bag out of the cave with him.

As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could. He thought little about it until he dropped one of the balls and it cracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone.

Excited the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure.

He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left. Then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he just threw it away.

It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling so we discount it. We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person by God.

There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.

May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay.

May we see the people in our world as God sees them.

-Author Unknown

Sacred Sundays: You've Got The Love

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you'vegotthelove-florence+themachine

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"
But you've got the love I need To see me through

Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you've got the love I need to see me through

When food is gone you are my daily meal
When friends are gone I know my saviour's love is real
Your love is real

You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love

Time after time I think "Oh Lord what's the use?"
Time after time I think it's just no good
Sooner or later in life, the things you love you loose
But you got the love I need to see me through

You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"
But you've got the love I need to see me through

You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love

FLORENCE + THE MACHINE

Fictitious Friday: The Thing

Beyonce looked into the mirror and smiled lasciviously. Jay Z was gonna love her new outfit. She turned to leave but did a double-take and looked closely at her reflection. At first glance, everything appeared normal, but then Beyonce realized it wasn’t her reflection looking back at her. She let out a gasp and the thing in the mirror smiled the kind of smile that gives you goose bumps.

“So,” it said, “you’re the famous Beyonce.”

Beyonce could only stare in shock as the thing climbed out of the mirror. It laughed and continued.

“You stole my name, selling it as if it were a tomato at the musika*!”

Beyonce shook her head confused and took a step back.

“Well let me tell you something Beyonce, you’re a thief! And after I’m through with you, you won’t be stealing any more names. You won’t be stealing anything!’

The thing laughed again and moved threateningly towards Beyonce, Beyonce shook her head again and stammered, “I don’t know what you’re talking about… Wh-who are you?”

The thing smiled that smile again and whispered,

 “I Am…Sasha Fierce.”

*musika- vegetable market

By Wilhelmine Wachter

Wacky Wednesdays: In Da Pub

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In Da Pub- 50 Pence

Spontaneous Saturday: Chinese Horoscope

Don’t cheat or read ahead or it will not work!! Use names of people you actually know!

1. On a piece of paper write down numbers 1 to 11 in a column on the left.

2. Next to number 1 and 2 write down any two numbers you want.

3. Next to numbers 3 and 7 write down any two names of people of the opposite sex (no family members)

4. Next to numbers 4, 5 and 6 write down any three names, male or female, family or friends.

5. Next to numbers 8, 9, 10 and 11 write down any four song titles.

6. Finally, make a wish.

……………………………….SCROLL DOWN FOR YOUR RESULTS………………………………….

Results

1. Your lucky number

2. Number of people you must introduce to this horoscope, otherwise your wish will become the opposite :P

3. The one you love

4. You care most about this person

5. Person knows you very well

6. Your lucky star

7. The one you like, but your relationship cant work

8. Song for person in number 3

9. Song for person in number 7

10.Tells you most about your mind

11.Tells you how you feel about life